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Poisoned and pained

perfect and poisonous

1 August
im just a girl who most people consider weird or unique
im a mix of all the stereo types of goth,indie,eurotrash,grunge,punk,spacerock etc....
im a very stong girl have been through more in my 28 years than most people should endure in 4 lifetimes.
my journal is my feelings and nothing more.dont judge or read into it to deeply you may get lost in my twisted mind.If you dont like depressive 28 year old girls who post bad poetry and intense issues then bugger off! this is for MY personal thoughts not to please an audience..*MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME FOLKS*...

journal contains love,sex,pain,confusion,suffering,phobias,drug use,mental illnesses,self harm etc... dont say i didnt warn you!

also you can see what kinda girl iam by my random photo posts,communities im in and my interests:)

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i found my savior under a pile of used condoms
this obscene reality twists through me like an interrupted orgasm
my fire of my sign will warm you and your water will quentch this everlasting thirst for love and death
im closer to finding God and answers for my existance
but will he be pretty with silver eyes and pink cheeks?
i dream of an after world to satisfy my urges for lust and obsession
big eyes and a swollen heart is the diagnosis they have laid upon me
a hero is only a perception of ones mind
shake my hand without fear or excitment
i will be there when you see the laughing clowns of satan's revenge.~written by ME

the tea party:

I want the world to wake
I want to give you peace
I want to vindicate
You need to be released

Don't want to hurt you
I need to make you see
If I desert you
Its just to make you see

That I'm a man that's weak
And I'm a man that's lost
I give it all away
To complicate the cost

Don't want to hurt you
I need to make you see
If I desert you
Its just to make you see
I'm not going to hurt you now
I need to make you see
If I desert you now
Its just to make you see

I want you to be free
I want you to be free from me


gotta letter from the messenger
i read it when it came
it said that you were wounded
you were bound and chained
you had love and you were handled
you were poisoned you were pained
oh no, oh no you were naked
you were shamed

you could almost touch heaven
right there in front of you
liberty just slipped away on us
now there's so much work to do
oh the door that closes tightly
is the door than can swing wide
oh no, not expecting to collide

for a minute i let my guard down
not afraid to be found out
i completely forgot dear
what our fears were all about
oh no,oh no there's no need to be without

if there's a chance i would take it
this desire i can't kill
take my heart please don't break it
i will crawl to your foothill

i'm frightened but i'm coming
please baby please lay still
oh no i'm not coming for the kill
oh no i'm not coming for the kill
oh no i'm not coming for the kill


You wanted this
So sad to see
The sweet decay
Of ecstasy

And you want it all

A frozen sun,
Will guide you there
As shadows hide
The deep despair

I'll give you something more
And you'll fade away
One last kiss before
You fade away.

So sleep tonight,
In idle dreams
The pain will drown,
Your silent screams

And you want it all

I'll give you something more
And you'll fade away
One last kiss before
You fade away
Lives you once adored
will fade away
Lies you can't ignore
You soon repay
As you fade away


My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

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